After a busy weekend of matches, events, races and competitions which happen all over the UK, and the world, there is often a moment that has the biggest impact and influence on a young person and not in the positive way you think.
Any guesses?
I'll give you a clue…..
It isn't on the pitch, the court or poolside.
It's the drive home. The journey home afterwards can be a big moment for a young person's development. For the parents its about analysing the performance they have just witnessed, they look to fire questions about could've, would've, and should've. For the kids they are still replaying moments in their heads, usually from an emotionally charged space dependant on the result.
The mistake.
Analysing things as soon as you turn the key.
This is the missed opportunity; the moment you may wish you'd handled differently. It's when most parents asked questions like
"What happened there?"
"Why didn't you do this or that?"
We all know this comes from a good place as naturally we want to see our children and athletes improve and get better. We want to help them, understand what they can do better next time etc.
However, for the young person, they will still be charged with energy and emotions. They may be feeling disappointed, frustrated or they could be on cloud nine for getting a hattrick, PB or even their first race win. Either way, mentally they will be drained.
So, when the first conversation is around analysis, feedback or coaching they may feel an extra pressure which isn't healthy for them.
I have a solution for this..
The 15-minute rule.
For the next drive or journey home try this…
For the first 15 minutes of the journey, NO CRITISCM, NO COACHING, NO ANALYSIS.
Let the chemicals running in their brain settle, let the emotions calm so they can catch up with themselves and decompress.
Start the journey home with a simple yet massively effective comment like "I really enjoyed watching you compete today".
Later once they've regulated and the emotions have settled you can begin with the reflections and feedback. This is where something really powerful happens for our children and young athletes. The goal of the journey home should be for the athlete to analyse their own performance, not the parent analyses the performance for them. A young person who develops the most over time is the one who asks themselves questions like…
What did I learn from that performance? What did I do well today? What could I do to improve next time?
Own their development.
This is where a positive shift happens, instead of waiting to be told how they played or competed, they begin to take ownership of their development, and this is really powerful for them.
When this shift begins to happen, you will notice they become more confident, more resilient and even more hungry and motivated to work harder and improve.
No such thing as failure, only feedback.
This is one of my favourite lines EVER. Mistakes in sport are inevitable, it's how we RESPOND that matters.
Do we become VICTIM or VICTOR?
Are we BEAT UP or UPBEAT?
Are you a WHINGER or a WINNER?
Choosing to RESPOND positively to setbacks is what's going to set you apart from the competition. It won't be easy; I get that completely. However, if you can see the learnings and keep moving forward you will be stronger and more confident. You'll even become less anxious as you will be more aware of the variables that could impact a performance and this will reduce the nerves and pressure pre-event.
Want to learn more?
Either as a coach, parent or as an athlete yourself, I can help you to deliver feedback the best way for the person receiving it. If you coach/manage as part of a club or team why not get me in to deliver a session to all your coaches? For more information, please get in touch at andrew@abperformance.uk
Thank you.
Diesel.