Being a parent of a young swimmer can be an incredibly rewarding experience.
You watch them learn new skills, overcome challenges, achieve personal bests, make friends, travel to competitions and experience the highs and lows that come with sport.
But swimming can also bring its own unique pressures. Early mornings, long training sessions, weekend galas, competition results, qualifying times and the constant pursuit of improvement can sometimes make it difficult to know where the role of parent ends and the role of coach begins.
So, what does being a great sports parent really look like?
Remember: They are your child before they are a swimmer
This sounds obvious, but it can be easy to lose sight of when swimming becomes a big part of family life.
Your child may have a PB they are chasing, a qualification they want to achieve or an important race coming up. But none of those things define who they are.
Your child needs to know that your love, pride and support aren't dependent on their performance.
A great question after a race isn't always:
"What was your time?"
Sometimes it's simply:
"How did you feel that went?"
Or:
"Did you enjoy it?"
And sometimes, the best response is simply:
"I'm proud of you."
Let the pool be the coach's space
One of the most valuable things a swimming parent can do is allow their child to have a clear separation between home and the pool.
Coaches are there to coach.
Parents are there to support.
That doesn't mean you can't be interested in your child's swimming. Far from it. Being interested, attending competitions and celebrating their progress can be hugely positive.
But constantly analysing technique, questioning training decisions or discussing race performance on the journey home can unintentionally make your child feel as though they are never able to switch off.
Sometimes the most supportive thing you can say after a difficult race is:
"It's okay. Let's get some food and enjoy the rest of the day."
When you're the parent AND the coach
This can be one of the most difficult situations to navigate.
Coaching your own child can have enormous benefits. You know them incredibly well, you care deeply about their development and you can be a huge source of knowledge and encouragement.
But it can also blur boundaries.
Your child needs to know when you're speaking to them as their coach and when you're speaking to them as their parent.
Try creating clear boundaries around the two roles.
For example, during training, you may need to be focused, challenging and objective.
Once training finishes, you can put the coaching role down.
Your child shouldn't feel that every conversation at home is another opportunity to discuss swimming.
And if emotions are running high, remember that you are their parent first.
Sometimes another coach can provide valuable perspective. Having someone else deliver feedback, particularly after a disappointing performance, can protect the parent-child relationship.
Be careful with expectations
Every swimmer develops differently.
Two children of the same age can be at completely different stages physically, emotionally and technically.
One may be winning races at 12.
Another may find their biggest improvements at 15 or 16.
Swimming is a long-term journey, and early success doesn't guarantee future success.
Try to focus on things your child can control:
- Effort
- Attitude
- Preparation
- Consistency
- Resilience
- Learning from mistakes
- Supporting teammates
- Enjoying the sport
Times and results matter, but they shouldn't become the only measure of success.
Don't let the stopwatch become their identity
Swimming is full of numbers.
Times.
Splits.
PBs.
Qualifying standards.
Placings.
Points.
Rankings.
Those numbers are useful for measuring performance, but they don't measure everything.
A swimmer can swim a slower time and still have an incredible race.
Maybe they showed courage.
Maybe they came back from a difficult period.
Maybe they tried something new.
Maybe they supported a teammate.
Maybe they simply got into the pool when they really didn't feel like it.
Those moments matter too.
Teach your child that performance is something they do, not something they are.
Watch the language you use
Children listen to far more than we sometimes realise.
Comments such as:
"You should have won that."
"You were much better than that."
"Why did you swim so slowly?"
"You need to train harder."
may be intended as motivation, but can easily become pressure.
Instead, try:
"What did you learn from that race?"
"What are you pleased with?"
"What would you like to work on?"
"How can I support you?"
And sometimes:
"Do you want advice, or do you just want me to listen?"
That last question can be incredibly powerful.
Help them develop independence
As swimmers get older, they need to take increasing ownership of their sport.
Let them pack their own kit bag.
Encourage them to understand their training.
Let them speak to their coach.
Help them learn how to manage competition nerves.
Encourage them to take responsibility for nutrition, hydration, recovery and preparation.
Of course, younger swimmers need more help and guidance.
But gradually transferring responsibility helps create confident athletes who can manage themselves rather than athletes who rely on their parents to manage everything for them.
Support the whole swimmer, not just the athlete
Swimming is only one part of your child's life.
They also need time for school, friends, family, hobbies, rest and simply being a young person.
Watch for signs that swimming is becoming overwhelming.
Changes in mood, anxiety around training or competitions, loss of enjoyment, constant tiredness, withdrawing from friends or becoming excessively worried about performance can all be signs that your child may need additional support.
Don't be afraid to have the conversation.
Asking:
"How are you really feeling about swimming at the moment?"
can open a door that your child may have been struggling to open themselves.
Remember the journey
There will be incredible days.
There will be disappointing days.
There will be PBs that make everyone celebrate.
There will be races where nothing seems to go right.
There may be injuries, plateaus, missed qualifications, selection disappointments and moments when your child says:
"I don't want to do this anymore."
Your job isn't necessarily to make every difficult moment disappear.
Your job is to help them navigate those moments.
Listen.
Encourage.
Give perspective.
And remind them that one race, one result or one season doesn't determine their future.
The greatest thing you can give them
Your child doesn't need a perfect sports parent.
They don't need you to understand every split time or know every technical detail.
They don't need you to solve every problem.
They need someone in their corner.
Someone who celebrates the effort as much as the outcome.
Someone who listens without immediately trying to fix things.
Someone who knows when to challenge them and when to simply give them a hug.
And if you're also their coach, they need to know that when they leave the pool, you're still Mum or Dad.
Because ultimately, the goal isn't simply to raise a faster swimmer.
It's to help raise a confident, resilient and happy young person who happens to love swimming.
And perhaps years from now, when the medals have gathered dust and the times have been forgotten, the thing they'll remember most won't be the race they won.
It will be knowing that you were there.
Be their biggest supporter, not their biggest pressure.
A final thought for swimming parents and coaches
Ask yourself:
"When my child looks back on their swimming journey, how do I want them to remember me?"
As the parent who was always worried about their times?
Or as the person who made them feel safe, supported, believed in and proud of who they were?
The answer may be one of the most important things you can give your young swimmer.
Hope you've enjoyed the read and found it useful. As always if I can be of any support for you, your child or swim club please get in touch at andrew@abperformance.uk
Thank you.
Diesel.