The summer holidays can feel like a wonderful escape from routines, early mornings, homework and the pressures that can come with school. But as the new school year approaches, that familiar feeling of excitement can sometimes be accompanied by something else — worry.
For some children, returning to school is something they look forward to. For others, the thought of going back can create genuine anxiety. They may be worrying about friendships, teachers, lessons, exams, bullying, fitting in, performance, or simply the uncertainty of what the new school year might bring.
As parents, we can't remove every worry our children will experience. But we can help them feel that they don't have to face those worries alone.
Start the conversation before the first day
One of the most helpful things you can do is simply talk to your child.
Don't wait until the night before school starts to ask, "Are you nervous about going back?"
Instead, introduce the conversation gradually.
You could ask:
- "How are you feeling about going back to school?"
- "Is there anything you're looking forward to?"
- "Is there anything you're worried about?"
- "What's the one thing you'd change about going back?"
- "Is there anything you'd like me to help you with?"
And perhaps most importantly, listen without immediately trying to fix the problem.
Sometimes children don't need us to give them an answer. They need to know that somebody is willing to listen.
Don't dismiss their worries
It's very easy for parents to say things such as:
"You'll be fine."
"There's nothing to worry about."
"Everyone feels nervous."
Although these comments are usually well intentioned, they can sometimes make a child feel that their worries aren't important.
Instead, try acknowledging the feeling:
"I can understand why that might be worrying you."
"That sounds difficult."
"I'm glad you've told me."
"Let's think about what we can do together."
You're not telling them that their worry is correct. You're showing them that their feelings are safe to talk about.
Help them focus on what they can control
Those of you who have seen my posts about anxiety know that it grows when we spend too much time thinking about things that haven't happened yet.
Help your child break the return to school down into smaller, manageable pieces.
For example:
What can I control?
- Getting my school uniform ready.
- Knowing what time I need to get up.
- Preparing my bag the night before.
- Knowing how I'm getting to school.
- Thinking about who I can talk to if I have a problem.
- Getting back into a regular sleep routine.
- Taking things one day at a time.
The aim isn't to guarantee that everything will go perfectly.
It's to help your child develop the belief:
"Whatever happens, I can deal with it — and I know where to go for help."
Get back into routines gradually
One of the biggest changes after the summer holidays can be going from late nights and relaxed mornings to alarms, uniforms and busy schedules.
Where possible, start reintroducing routines before the first day.
Gradually bring bedtime and wake-up times closer to their school schedule. Get uniforms and equipment organised. Talk about breakfast and the morning routine.
These seemingly small things can remove some of the uncertainty from that first morning.
And don't underestimate the value of a calm morning.
If possible, give your child enough time to get ready without rushing. A stressful morning can make an already anxious child feel even more overwhelmed.
Remember that anxiety doesn't always look like anxiety
Not every child will say:
"I'm worried about going back to school."
Sometimes their behaviour tells us instead.
Parents might notice:
- Becoming quieter or more withdrawn.
- Irritability or unusual mood changes.
- Difficulty sleeping or changes in their sleep pattern.
- Changes in appetite.
- Frequent complaints of headaches or stomach aches, particularly around school days.
- Becoming tearful or emotional.
- Wanting to avoid conversations about school.
- Becoming reluctant to leave the house.
- Repeatedly saying they don't want to go to school.
- Increased reassurance-seeking.
- Difficulty concentrating.
- Losing interest in things they normally enjoy.
- Becoming unusually angry or frustrated.
- Worrying excessively about friendships, schoolwork or what others think of them.
None of these signs automatically mean that a child has an anxiety disorder. Children can have difficult days for lots of reasons.
But changes in behaviour are worth noticing, particularly when they persist or begin to interfere with everyday life.
Ask the question behind the behaviour
If your child suddenly becomes angry, withdrawn or resistant, it can be tempting to focus on the behaviour itself.
"Why are you being like this?"
Instead, try asking:
"I've noticed you've seemed a little different recently. Is there something that's worrying you?"
There may be something underneath the behaviour that they haven't yet found the words to explain.
And sometimes the answer won't come immediately.
That's okay.
Keep the door open.
Talk about the things they're looking forward to
Preparing for school shouldn't be entirely about managing anxiety.
Ask your child what they're excited about.
Perhaps it's seeing their friends, playing sport, joining a club, a particular lesson, a new teacher, or simply getting back into a familiar routine.
Help them identify things they can look forward to.
You might even create a simple "looking forward to" list together.
This can help balance the brain's natural tendency to focus heavily on the things that might go wrong.
Give them something to look forward to after school
The first few days back can be exhausting.
School requires children to process information, navigate social situations, manage expectations and cope with a completely different environment from the relaxed pace of the holidays.
So, give them some space to decompress.
It could be something as simple as:
"When you get home, let's have some time together and you can tell me about your day if you want to."
They don't necessarily need a detailed interrogation about every lesson.
Sometimes a snack, a chat, a walk, some sport or simply some quiet time can be exactly what they need.
Be careful about putting pressure on performance
For some children, returning to school isn't about friendships — it's about performance.
Tests. Grades. Sport. Expectations. Comparisons.
As parents, our intentions can sometimes accidentally add to that pressure.
Instead of focusing solely on outcomes, encourage your child to focus on effort, learning and progress.
Questions like:
"What did you learn today?"
"What did you find interesting?"
"What are you proud of?"
can be much more helpful than simply:
"What marks did you get?"
Children need to know that their worth isn't determined by their grades, sporting performance or achievements.
Help them create their own support network
One of the most valuable things a child can learn is who they can turn to when things don't feel right.
That might include:
- A parent or carer.
- A teacher.
- A form tutor.
- A pastoral lead.
- A coach.
- A trusted family member.
- A school counsellor or other appropriate professional.
- A trusted friend.
Talk about this before they need it.
You could ask:
"If you had a really difficult day at school, who would you feel comfortable talking to?"
If they can't think of anyone, that's an important conversation to have.
And parents need to look after themselves too
Children are incredibly perceptive.
They often pick up on our stress, anxiety and uncertainty — even when we don't think we're showing it.
That doesn't mean parents need to pretend everything is perfect.
Quite the opposite.
Showing children that adults can experience difficult emotions and manage them in healthy ways can be incredibly powerful.
We can model:
"I'm feeling a little stressed today, so I'm going to take a few minutes to clear my head."
That's an important lesson.
We're showing them that emotions aren't something to be frightened of or ashamed of. They're something we can acknowledge, understand and learn to manage.
You don't have to remove the anxiety
Perhaps the most important message for parents is this:
Your job isn't to make sure your child never feels anxious.
Anxiety is a normal human emotion, and experiencing some nerves before returning to school isn't necessarily a bad thing.
Our role is to help children develop the confidence and skills to navigate those feelings.
To be able to say:
"I'm worried."
"I don't know what to do."
"I need some help."
And ultimately:
"I can get through this."
If your child's worries are persistent, becoming more intense, affecting their sleep, eating, relationships or ability to attend school, or you are simply concerned about a significant change in their behaviour, don't be afraid to seek additional support. You don't need to wait until things become overwhelming before asking for help.
Sometimes the most important thing a parent can say is simply:
"You don't have to figure this out on your own. We're going to work through it together."
And perhaps that's one of the greatest gifts we can give our children as they head into a new school year.
If you feel your child, or yourself could do with support leading up to returning back to school please get in touch at andrew@abperformance.uk
Hope you enjoyed this post, if you found it useful, please let me know. If you would be kind enough to share the link with your friends and family that would be amazing to help me reach more people that may benefit from it.
Thank you.
Diesel.
P.S Did you know I have launched an Academy for all things 'Be Better'?? It's a great community to learn more about how we can perform better as human beings. Head to https://www.skool.com/ab-performance-academy/about to get involved.
AB Performance — helping young people and those around them develop the confidence, resilience and mindset to perform at their best, both in sport and in life.